DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who often hears negative comments directed at teenagers as a whole.The other day I was sitting in a bookstore, quietly reading, when an employee commented to a customer that "some teenagers were just in here -- that's probably why the display is a mess!"
I have heard other strangers make remarks about teens being lazy, slovenly, apathetic and rude. If these comments were directed at specific ethnic or religious groups, they would be regarded as discrimination, so I want to know if my saying something to these people would be appropriate -- and also why ageism, clearly a hurtful form of stereotyping, is acceptable when it's directed at young people.
I am tired of being followed by store owners and watching other passengers on the bus grab their belongings and scoot away when I come near them. What should I do?
-- SICK OF AGEISM IN SAN FRANCISCO
Also over vacation, I read three articles in the New York Times whose titles present a certain theme: "Trying to find solutions in Chaotic Middle Schools," "The Preteen: Betwixt and Bedeviled," and "Middle School Girls Gone Wild." The depictions of middle schoolers in particular and adolescents in general were far removed from my experience, and I would imagine most of you would have a hard time recognizing your daughters in these articles.
So what can be done? It can be important to recognize that the problem is not exactly new. Dear Abby, in her response to "SICK," presented a well-known quote attributed to Socrates: "Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders, and love chatter in places of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble food and tyrannize their teachers.." The 1960's musical "Bye Bye Birdie" included the lyric "Kids! I don't know what's wrong with these kids today! Kids! Who can understand anything they say? (...) why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way? What's the matter with kids today?" So there is a certain history of negative stereotyping of adolescents which can help us keep all this in perspective.
It's also important to distinguish between mere stereotyping and the development of a situation which genuinely needs addressing. For example, the stereotype of hormone-crazed kids dancing way too suggestively is not new - our own parents were concerned about our dancing styles, our great-grandparents believed our jitterbugging grandparents were on the road to ruin, Viennese parents in the 1800's were quite concerned about what the waltz might lead to, and even the minuet was once the object of considerable controversy. However, despite its unfortunate title, "Middle School Girls Gone Wild" does seem to raise legitimate concerns around the sexualization of teenagers in the media. Whether we choose to address the situation by talking to our children about the messages being put forth by the media, building media literacy skills, contacting politicians or members of the media, or other approaches, the important thing is to recognize when a stereotype may be masking a situation that genuinely needs addressing, and finding a way to respond.
However, a stereotype is a stereotype is a stereotype, and anything we do to put forth the more positive vision of adolescents we see in our lives can carry a power of its own. Articles in local papers about teen volunteers, special school projects, and other counter-examples can help build a more realistic picture of what adolescents can accomplish. We can write our politicians, write letters to the editor, and simply talk to our friends and relatives about all we see our children doing.
Of at least equal importance is that we find ways to empower our children as well. Any actions they can take on their own behalf - including most all of the above - not only serve to combat stereotypes, but also help them feel there is something they can do. This is another reason, of course, why we do community service - several organizations, when I first contacted them, were skeptical about what a bunch of middle school girls could do to help them. Over time, the people who work in these organizations have come to see our students as dependable, hard-working, cheerful and genuinely willing to help.
Certainly, adolescence can be a difficult time, though exactly how difficult varies greatly from person to person. But to ask, as one article did, "How do you solve the problem of adolescence?" is to actually contribute to the difficulties by assuming adolescence itself is a problem. By recasting the question as "How can we best support adolescents?" we can improve their lives and help them be more widely treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.
Links
"Dear Abby" letter
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20070106/lf_ucda/girlwondershowtoconfrontnegativestereotypesofteens
"Trying to Find Solutions in Chaotic Middle Schools"
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/03/education/03middle.html?ex=1168578000&en=ecfaba6132cd3ae3&ei=5070
"The Preteen: Betwixt and Bedeviled"
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/07/weekinreview/07zernike.html?fta=y
"Middle School Girls Gone Wild"
http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/12/29/opinion/eddownes.php
